'O Allah increase me in knowledge,

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Feeling sorry, feeling worry!

Assalamu alaykum,

lately I have been having so many hard times with A. I guess he is growing and I, for once, don;t feel ready for him to grow...just yet! HELP!!!

He has been saying that he likes to get his bike and go out without me. WITHOUT ME!!!!???

I do know that he feels trap within the 4 walls, but what can I do? He is only 8 years old and I don;t think he is time yet to let him experience the world by his own.

Above all we do live in a non-Muslim society and I do fear that he may get bad influence. I guess I would be worry for him even when he will be 40, insh'Allah.

I do feel sorry for him, I know it's hard to live in such a city. No where to go, and don't get me wrong we do go out everyday. I make sure my kids get fresh air everyday and experience the outside. We do attend sisters gathering, sports, days out at the park, we visit friends and take part in many more educational activities.

I just feel my kids don't have the same freedom I have when I was little.

I was born and brought up in a very small village in the heart of Italy, not far from the capital. A very rustic village, one of them that you see in postcard.

In this tiny village we knew everyone and everyone know us. We have a small lake where I learnt to swim and some very lovely fields. A small torrent with fresh water and lots of green hills. I remember riding my bike fast down the hills...picking berries and chewing fresh liquirice! Yum, yum!

I enjoyed my days. My dad used to grow fruits and vegetables in our very big garden. We used eat our own chicken and rabbits. Our dear neighbour had a horse and we learnt how to ride it. We fully enjoyed the fresh air either in winter or summer. We were always out. We come from an extended family and although my family is small, I have 1 sister and 1 brother, we did spend most of our time with uncles, aunties, cousins, friends, my dear grandma and the rest of the village. It's not like in a big city where you don;t know no one! In my small village we say hello to everyone and exchange food and gifts often. I had a great time when little up to the age of 18. Hamdulillah.

But my kids, always under my eyes or my dh. No escape, just four of us, no extended family or adventure down the lake...I feel sorry and worry for them.

I know growing will be hard and I feel that I cannot give them the full freedom they want, at least not now. I need some suggestions and advice. What shall I do?

Here are some pics from my small village. 'I wish you were here...'


ummi said...

Assalamualaikum sister,

Sometimes I feel the same as you feel. Our children can't never be out the same as long time ago. Only for me the different I used to be brough up in small town in Malaysia. I get used to stay home all the time although I have cousin and other relative to play with. I feel sorry for my children as well as they can't have this experience as we live here without any relatives.

It is part of my problem as well. As you say, I bring them out and alhamdulillah I'm now not in big city. SO, we do have a back garden with lots of trees and children can just run arrand and climb the tree. My son is 10 now. May be because he always hear the story about me and my brother not used to go out by ourselves, he never mention about going out alone. It's scared him to bit I think.

World out side there is too much. I think I will be same as you to worry about our children even they as big as 40 years old! Life now has change, I reckon. I just hopr that we can get our children ready to face any difficulty once they away from us. MAy Allah guide us all.

UmSuhayb b David said...

Asalamoaleykum sister,your childhood sounds idyllic. i too roamed the countryside in my village at about age 9/ 10. We've only just started letting our boys out without an adult recently, and eldest is 10, and we live in quite a quiet suburb, but I know some sisters who let their 7/ 8 year olds out to buy some milk from the corner shop etc who live in less safe areas. i think it depends on where you live, age and maturity of child and your own attitude. My Dh was more concerned than myself, he couldnt live with himself if something happened, but I feel they have to learn some independance, be it v gradually. In fact my 10 year old prefers an adult to come out with him (I should be grateful for this, it probably won't be long before it'll be the opposite!)
I think if they can be out with other children you know and trust and your child knows certain limits (eg not to talk to strangers) independance can be gradually introduced. Here it's normal to expect 7 year olds to walk to school by themselves BTW

muslimah trying to home edu said...

Assalamu alaykum, jazak'Allahu kheiran sister Ummi and sister umm Suhayb. I appreciate your comments as I can do with some suggestions/advice here.
the way I was brought it is completely different from the way my kids are. I feel so sorry for them being at home and not fully enjoy the blessings of Allah( subhana wa t'Ala) for what concern learning nature and related.
I can see that A. is suffering and he wants to do things by its own and would love to ewnjoy more time out. As i said must be that he hasn't got a friend for everyday of the week. Only from time to time he can see his neighbour or other kids in our homeschooling group. But it's not the same as having your 'best friend' if you see what I mean.
Also came to realize that i have to be less strict in fact of deen as I can see he is having an opposite reaction to my constant nagging over praying, getting wudh and reading Qur'an specially now that the madrassa is close for 3 months!!!
Umm Suhayb- the corner shop is really in front of our door, it is our corner shop but i never send him as I am not too happy for him to go there. Nevertheless few days ago we were out and I sent him to buy some ice cream and he was so pleased with himself that he went again to buy ice cream to his brother. He also said to his hubby about it. Mash'Allah! From this little thing I can realize his wish to be more independent. I am thinking of ways to give him a bit more freedom. Maybe a scout group? I would wish for him to attend one. I used to be in a scout group and I have learnt so much. camping out taught me not to be scared of the dark and enjoy the nature in full.
All I am saying i am really trying to be a good educator for him but at the moment I feel lost and that thought of leaving UK is coming stronger and stronger...insh'Allah one day.
Barak'Allahu fikum sisters.

ummi said...

Salam to alll sisters,

It's nice to share all this thought and experience. I think as I'm kind of worry mum as well, it's easily effect my boy. Especially because she got big sister which very much independent and care for them. He seems sometimes like behind her sister act. I do have a corner shop just 30 sec walk in front of my door step. I start send him sometimes and the first time it does make a different as you said.

As we homeschool, as you said about 'best friend, it does effect my boy. Because he used to go to school and have a best freind, I find that it's hard to replace that although he got another three sibling to play with and some other children sometimes. For me it does make a different to him when he have somebody as his age to pley with. He's soooo happy and too happy. Although we live in quiet save area and have a big garden around the house, he sometimes reluctunt to go out as he said there's no one for him to play with. Iy is quiet ashamed when I think about that.

I was thinking to send him do to attend a martial art group may be. It's nice to see what other think and share the experience and thought.

Homeschooling Muslimah said...

AsSalyamu `Aleykum wa RahmatuLlahi wa Barakatuh, SubhanAllah ohti, many of us have the same problems. I have eldest daughter, she is going to be 9 inshaAllah in October. I do not let her out anywhere alone. We had terrible cases when girl of 10 was terrible tortured and killed. I cannot discribe my feelings when I let her go to the corner shop. In Sydney you have to have a car and as I am not driving we end up isolated completely. So the only solution is to stay home. Once a week we go to the high street in the area and go shopping or just go for a walk. That is our mini adventures. In UK people do not react as bad as here. If they will see two niqabies you have no idea what they are saying and what they do. Oh well hijrah is the only solution Ohti. May Allah reward all mothers for patience they have towards their children and May Allah make our children amongst believers and bring us all to Jannah Amiin.

muslimah trying to home edu said...

Homeschooling muslimah assalamu alaykum and welcome to my blog!
It is so sad to read about the situation where you live, subhan'Allah! I wouldn't have never said and thought so.
Amin to your dua'as sister.
Sister Ummi, I feel that this blog ahs served a purpose and I feel happy about it as I know many mums out there that homeschooling, or want to homeschool, need help and reading about others experiences make it all plain and easy to understand and relate to.
Jazak'Allahu kheiran for your comments and for sharing your experiences about this very topic.

Homeschooling Muslimah said...

AsSalyamu `Aleykum wa RahmatuLlahi wa Barakatuh,Ohti, I wrote this thing not to tell how we are sad... Vice verca... We are happy like that... I have very nice relationship with my daughter... First of course took us time to adjust but now we are very happy like that... I do not live with past. What gone is gone... Never to come back... Lets live our life with today and future. Find bright sides of what we have and not to dream to have something what we are not suppose to. Big Kiss Your sister in Islam

muslimah trying to home edu said...

Assalamu alaykum sis homeschooling muslimah, what i meant is that i am sorry to hear baout the situation in Sydney.
Mash'Allah to be so positive and rely only on Allah! hamdulillah. We have to adapt and be happy for what we have and look only at those that are in worste condition. Subhan'Allah! Of course we should count our blessings and mash'Allah you are doing so. I love when you said "bright sides of what we have and not to dream to have something what we are not suppose to" It's so trues and we should all live by it as it makes you a more humble person. jazak'Allahu kheir for sharing that sis.