'O Allah increase me in knowledge,

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

There is the time for this and the time for...

Assalamu alaykum to all my readers,
we had the most beautiful past 3 days for a loooooong time!!!!
These past three days have brought so much joy, peace and I feel recharge and full of energy! Hamdulillah!
We have had a very busy year and I have been pondering over our progresses. What have we learnt? It all looked grey and gloomy until few days ago. It is now crystal clear and I am happy I had time to go out, see other sisters, reflecting over important decisions and gathering all my thoughts together!
I feel that the decision to put the kids to school for now it is indeed the right one. I see myself with too much on my plate and wanted to do too much it has always been a very bad habit of mine!
I am extremely organized mash'Allah but that in itself could be a good or a bad thing! Good when you have 3 very active boys and husband to look after! Bad when you have to stick to the schedule and leave no time to rest because you have it all timed! Hamdulillah!
My kitchen cupboards are organized, my wardrobes are organised and the kids' bookcase and files are but...I now feel the need to break the rules and get a back seat and just relax. I have a whole year to do that! I feel I need to 'schedule' my pleasure and free time, 'organize' my breaks and rest.
-I have my University to finish, not that a degree is something I desperately seek, just the pleasure of life! :) ;
-I desperately and I repeat DESPERATELY want to go back to study my deen inside out!!!;
-I want to learn some Tafseer and go back to tajweed;
-I want to go back to knitting and felting!!!
And so much more...
I see my kids had 6 years of great fun at home, tears and joy! They learnt a whole lot more that I could ever imagined them to! My eldest just turned 9 years on August and I see the changes in my little growing man!
He wants a bit of Independence, of course he is still too small for that...but where I was born and brought up we enjoyed the fresh air 365 days a year no matter what age! I was brought in a small village, we played with raw materials: stones and mud, leaves and flowers! I know ho to milk a sheep and a cow, I can ride a horse and collect the eggs from the chicken. Hamdulillah for those small pleasure in life! I see my kids stuck in 4 walls everyday. Homeschooling brought so much happiness in our home but at the same time I feel my kids need to see and relate with a different environment. So for this year, school will be! Insh'Allah! A big change that will open different doors...insh'Allah.

Back on our great past 3 days! We had a wonderful 'eid. Prayed at one of the biggest Mosque in London and enjoyed the company of a dear sister and her family mash'Allah. We had a meal out and the kids for the first time in years received no just sweets and books as usual, but toys! Mash'Allah! Uncles and aunties have been pretty generous, hamdulillah!
The day after we were invited over to a really nice party. Kids played all afternoon, jumping on and off the bouncy castle while mums were having the most delicious BBQ and cakes! Yummy! Of course kids ate too :)
Today, we were at another party and guess what? More bouncy castle, cakes, BBQ, and great company!Hamdulillah! Chatted with a really nice sister. I relate so much to what she was telling me about homeschooling and having no support, help or appreciation. She felt lonely and needed not just encouragement and support but financial help. Her husband was of the idea that school was the best and never thought of given her money to buy books and materials for her kids. After all homeschooling is expensive! She left homeschooling as she had too much stress and pressure. Now her kids are at state school and she feel happier as she knows her husband is the responsible in front of Allah for the education of the family.
I myself took a great responsibility for my kids; i tried to do my best for the past 6 years and hamdulillah I see the results in my kids but I am also too aware that if my health is no good for a while my kids are all alone! And Allah knows best.

This year 'eid have been a real time for me and family to spend some good quality time together, for the kids to celebrate with their friends, and for me specially to lighten up the heavy weight I had on top of myself for too long! And hamdulillah!
There is a time for everything, for me and for my family, for homeschooling and for school...a time for this and a time for that.

wa alaykum assalam


ummrashid said...

Eid Mubarak. I didn't think you had been posting as your posts did not come up in my reader as they used to, maybe because of the privacy settings. Sorry I did not visit for a while.
I hope this year will be beneficial for you sister. Nothing is ever fixed permenantly, until death. You have to do what is right for now. Maybe the future will be different again.
Take care.